When you answer a question right off the top of your head, that's the true one; from your heart. When asked about the book in my life that changed me profoundly, my answer was, "The Picture of Dorian Gray" by Oscar Wilde (1890)
Spoiler Alert: Dorian Gray sells his soul in order to have eternal youth. A portrait painted of him begins to alter, illustrating each cruel word, every debauched encounter. The portrait ends up locked behind study doors at the top of the house, lest anyone discover his secret.
A cautionary tale for a pre-teen, I can assure you! It was the first time I actually took my behaviour into account: every growled response, every outburst of anger. I looked into my own eyes in the mirror, imagining what the "real" me looked like; the one behind the reflection where every ugly flaw was obvious.
The book clarified how people we meet in our lives can be cruel and manipulative, and how it's our choice how to meet the challenges they create. For me however, it was the reckoning that was the most important; how there is no escaping (or hiding) who you really are.
Unfortunately, sometimes the reckoning comes from other people and that's particularly hard to bear. I've been "ghosted" by more people than I'm willing to count, for one reason or another.
The reckoning can blindside you, especially from unexpected sources. Years ago, my phone rang and I rushed to pick it up as I don't like the incessant ringing of a phone. A friend, sounding disappointed, asked me why I was home...(weird!). She went on to say, "I was hoping to just leave a message on the answering machine, 'cause you know...you're a talker". OUCH!!!
I've re-read the book many times, each time resolving to be better, be kinder, be unblemished by my actions. It's a daily exercise, from answering emails to commenting on You Tube videos. I'm still a work in progress, over 50 years since the first time I read the book.
As we begin this New Year, we all have the option to be kinder, or to work towards that goal. That being said, I also want to insist that if "the reckoning" you receive from others hurts you in ANY way, IGNORE IT. The magic that is you should never be tamped down. You do not exist in order for other people to change you. You are you, with your faults and your glorious sparkle. When you look into your eyes in a mirror, you'll know if you need to make changes.
...All in good time; we have a brand New Year ahead!
Thank you for spending this time with me,
Lori xx