The return email came 16 years ago, from a dear person in my life, who passed away a few months afterwards.
My email to her, with the usual "blah blah", was to tell her about an art show I was in.
The show had the theme of "Wish You Were Here", welcoming the world to the Olympics in B.C in 2010. The artwork had to be small and affordable, as the money raised was being donated to a young B.C. student so they could attend art school.
Her response was, "Wow Lori, you are truly an artist now!"
For 16 years, I've had an ongoing debate with her (in my head!) about this message. You know how the perfect "come back" response arrives, but only a week after you needed it?! I never said anything directly to her, but it has always bothered me. I'm hoping that writing my thoughts here will let other artists know that although people mean well, they frequently have NO idea what artists do or the emotional strength it takes to put work into the world.
"So...I'm TRULY an artist now?! Based on what? Your opinion of what art is, or simply because now that I'm in a show I'm "worthy" of your attention?!
I was an artist when you saw one of my early sketches and asked why the steeple on the church was crooked and I told you that I was learning perspective and that angles are super hard.
I was an artist as I braved driving in brutal Canadian winters to meet with other artists who came together weekly to learn from each other.
I was an artist when I took every course and workshop I could afford, and when Yannick bought me courses as my birthday and Christmas gifts.
I was an artist when I bought used art books, then spent hours taking notes and studying as if my life depended on it; BECAUSE IT DID.
I was an artist long before the art show that I told you about; sending paintings out for juries to reject, entering contests I had no business applying for, just to get my work seen. Contacting galleries so they would see my name as they sent notices of my work being declined."
Those are the responses that clang around in my head to this day. I know she meant well and was trying to be encouraging, but I had already spent years working so hard. Every. Single. Day.
So, this blog is for the artists or creatives out there, with faces that are still wet with tears of failure, who reach for the tools and just keep working.
Thank you for spending this time with me,
Lori xx