Recently, I was gently admonished by a gallery owner for not attending the gala on the Friday before. After telling me that I was missed, she also smiled, knowing me well enough that going to a public event as an artist makes me so uncomfortable I tend to avoid them.
It's not that I'm shy: in fact, my Mother told me that when I was little, I used to walk up to STRANGERS in Montreal and looking up at them, loudly announce, "I SHY..."
The discomfort that makes me squirmy inside is trying to explain where in my soul the painting came from. Patrons visiting a gallery love to hear about the process; I've asked many artists the same questions. However, being on the flip side of those conversations is a heart pounding moment.
I've come away from the easel after hours painting and burst into tears, loving what is on the canvas in front of me. I KNOW that I painted it, because I'm the only one there and the brush is in my hand, but I have no recollection of HOW I did it.
I don't have a long, laborious process before I paint. No specific music or rituals; I simply set up the drop cloths, easel, water, paint and brushes, then take a deep breath and hope for the best. It's all about the magic happening...or not. I paint "Alla prima" which is an Italian phrase meaning, "At first attempt", or as I say, "All in one shot". If it doesn't work, there is no altering it or fixing mistakes; the moment has passed.
When the magic does arrive, I have no language in my head. Rather, I morph into a prehistoric female, uttering grunts rather than words. My brain doesn't say, "If you mix Lavender and Naples Yellow, you will make a gorgeous neutral". My brush simply decides where it wants to go and my eyes decide if that's the shade I'm trying to achieve.
This is the reason I spend part of every day studying; some days it's colour mixing, other times line work, shading or drawing. The knowledge has to be in my head BEFORE I paint, in order to have instinct kick in when I can't have a conversation with myself to get to the next step.
When I come out of the fog of creativity and see a finished painting in front of me, I am grateful each time. There is proof in front of me that I'm progressing as an artist, however I never know how that progress arrives.
It's easy to have a conversation with you, my dear Subscribers. The next step for me is to venture out to the next gala and speak to people in person.
Thank you for spending this time with me,
Lori xx